she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just cropdusted the office
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
