Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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