is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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