the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
