No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
