erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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