I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This baby is an asshole
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
