it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
