I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
