My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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