I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
