Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
