HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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