My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
