he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's blow job season.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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