so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
