the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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