He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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