So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
