I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have feelings that need drinking.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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