I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
