Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
