fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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