I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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