I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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