he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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