he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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