$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
