i permit you to call me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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