I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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