I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
