Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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