It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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