im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
tell me about the eggs
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