but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
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I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
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Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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