do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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