i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
