Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
