I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
