oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
