Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
