a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
