Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
