No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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