Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
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Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
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Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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