Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
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Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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