i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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