Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
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I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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