whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
