but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
