just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
