I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
