we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
