Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
