Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
