made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She told me I should be a condom model.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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