i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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