it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
