I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
