Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
