i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
