I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
