marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
