"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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