Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
