Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
