at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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