She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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