Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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