i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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