Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
