even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
