My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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