there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
