just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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