she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
When are your genitals available?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
