and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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