I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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