Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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