trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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